Christinas4’s Weblog

{January 19, 2013}   Tv Time Friends Edition

Friends will always be one of my favorite shows even though I myself never farted around with a bunch of friends in a coffee shop.

In no particular order my favorite friends moments

Ok, I lied and this is my most favorite scene


Ross should have known better than to ask Joey for help. But then we wouldn’t have enjoyed Ross creating his sweaty baby powder paste concoction.


Foreshadowing here. Who knew that tanning would become the worldwide phenomenon it is turning millions of humans into orange  humanoids. I think maybe the writers on this show were psychic’s.


Ross should have learned from his leather pants situation that he is not meant to be a trendy guy and it was going to end bad.

Only people with no souls can’t find humor in turkey heads.


This is actually a two parter. The trend was started by Joey but perfected by the anal Monica, anal is my least favorite word. Also, Joey gets his head stuck in a lot of things.



I still wish I had the guts to do this because I really, really, really, hate running.


Why did Angelina ruin all the fun? This was probably both Brad and Jennifer’s greatest performances (except for Legends of the Fall)


Ross was pretty underated and he had some of the funniest moments for instance


I’m still waiting to attain true Unagi.




I still really miss that show along with Seinfeld. Yeah, I’m easily entertained.



{November 15, 2012}   Taking a break

Taking a break

I’m sorry but I am a housewife and know many other, “Housewife’s”.  None of the housewives I know are making delusional videos and dating weird french dudes. If one more stupid pretend housewife make a video, I will explode. Here is what real housewives do. Breakfast, errands, lunch, shuttling kids, dinner, laundry, listening to whining, and doing it all over the next morning.

I wish I could spend all day drinking pinot and making fake music videos. But, noooooo, I can’t because I did than who would make meals and clean dirty ass underwear? Nobody, that’s who. Suck fake housewives. I dare any of those self important bitches to spend a day in mine or any other mothers shoes. They would lose their minds and run the hell away. I would spell check this nonsense but I have four kids who want to eat dinner and other than Chef Boyardee, I’m the only one cooking dinner in this casa. I can’t be tardy for this party.


{May 12, 2010}   OH COME ON NOW, MILEY

Where are the parentals?


Giving your gay director a dirty lap dance is just not right. There’s plenty of time to give lap dances to men. And there is really no need to simulate lap dances on a chair. You have your whole life ahead of you to be a hussy. You kind of look constipated so maybe I’m reading too much into it and you just need some special yogurt. If that’s the case then please accept my apologies and let me reccommend some metamucil.

Regardless, this picture is forever and you’ll have to explain it till you die. That’s the thing with this crazy interwebs. You can never take any of it back . I for one am grateful we didn’t have all this cool technology back in my day or I would be living in a cave. But I was at least of legal age.

Let’s all quit this shit. I’m tired of sex tapes and sexy time pictures. Pleeeeeease! It was ok a few years ago but now everyone has a video or nekkid pictures. It’s boring and since you are young it’s creeping me out.

{May 12, 2010}   Jake Gyllenbale

Daily Bale


I’m going with him today because I love that he is scared of ostritches.

I don’t blame him. Those bastards look pretty shifty to me. They are just waiting for you to turn your back or fall to sleep.

{May 12, 2010}   Poor Sad Lindsay

But I Get It



Apparently there was a recent verbal beat down between Avril and Lindsay at Chateau Marmont. I guess that’s her home as much as a hotel can be.

“Word is, the epic battle took place at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont, Lindsay’s home away from home, and it began with a simple salutation.

“Avril was at a table with friends just over a week ago including her boyfriend, Brody Jenner, when Lindsay came over to say hi,” an eyewitness tells the New York Post. “But as soon as she approached, Avril launched at her and said, ‘Get the hell out of my face, you are fake, you are a loser. I don’t like false people. Stay away from me and my friends.'”

The insults apparently sent the functionally-challenged

LiLo into a rage blackout.

“Lindsay was furious and screamed back, ‘Don’t threaten me!’ She then stormed off to security and tried to get them to kick Avril out,” recounts the spy. “They refused to force Avril to leave. Lindsay eventually stormed off.”

Guess the Chateau realizes which one of them is more likely to make good on her bill.”

Let me give you some words of wisdom. Daddy is never coming to save you, mine didn’t but I turned out ok (I think). Mommy and daddy are wrapped up in their own drama. There is no knight in shinning armor. Do you ever look back at  your career and wonder, “What happened to all those movie offers?” If not then you should.

I feel super bad that you got pwned by frigging Avril. Seriously? My 5 year old is more punk than that poser. She probably thinks the Sex Pistols are some kind of water gun. You are better than that. Or at least you were. Are you still somewhere in there? Let me know if you are.

{May 7, 2010}   TV TIME

Crap you think you don’t need.

I once again sacrificed my own sleep to bring you the finest products known to humans and possibly those not of this world. If you are not of this world than, Welcome or, ggjsdagjojafndfsoghaj. That’s alien talk which leads us to your first product.

If there are aliens amoung us than most likely, THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL YOU. I bet you all had no idea as you go through your sad little lives not knowing how close to death you are. It’s like that movie Final Destination, but for realsies. Everything around you wants you to f’ing DIE already. You goto open your favorite bill and ooops, YOUR DEAD. 

Seriously, this book will save your life when you didn’t even know your toaster wants to burn you alive. Beware.

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{May 7, 2010}   The, “Longstroke”?

More like, “The Longpuke”

When you decide to be a hate monger. Try not to hate too loudly on the thing you secretly monger.

From, Towerload

Rent Boy “Lucien” (whom the Advocate identified as Jo-Vanni Roman) tells the Miami New Times all about his trip with anti-gay Christian right leader George Alan Rekers:

RekersThe male escort hired by anti-gay activist George Alan Rekers has told Miami New Times that the Baptist minister is a homosexual who paid him to provide body rubs, once a day, in the nude, during their ten-day vacation in Europe.

Rekers allegedly named his favorite maneuver the “long stroke” — a complicated caress “across his penis, thigh… and his anus over the butt cheeks,” as the escort puts it. “Rekers liked to be rubbed down there,” he says.

The paper adds: “Although Rekers does have physical ailments that make it difficult for him to haul suitcases, Lucien wasn’t hired to carry luggage on their European vacation, the escort says. ‘It’s a situation where he’s going against homosexuality when he is a homosexual,’ Lucien says. Lucien was interviewed late last night in the Fort Lauderdale house where he was laying low for the evening. The townhome he rents in a west Miami suburb has been inundated by uninvited guests since his identity was revealed by a blogger on Gawker shortly after the story broke.”

Rekers, we remind you, was the state of Florida’s star witness in support of the ban on gay adoption. For his testimony he and a colleague were paid $87,000


This is what’s known as being a hypocrite as well as being a tremendous asshat. But I’m also sitting here as a boring ole straight person so I have no clue what it’s like to deal with sexual confusion or self hate. I’ve dated a gay man or two in my life and apparently everybody seemed to know it but me. I’m always late to the party. But he took money to ban gay couples from adopting and then hires young men with that money to stroke him, really? It’s always the super straight conservative guys. Now what do I tell my daughter when she starts to date? Watch out for those fake straight guys who spend too much time in public bathrooms or hire bag carriers. Isn’t that what bell boys are for?


You know what’s better at looking at old pictures of yourself?

Watching old videos semi famous people want to forget they made.

First up is the guy who made a whole nation think, “Whoa”. Remember when Joey Lawrence tried to parlay his sitcom fame into a music career? I don’t blame you if you don’t but it really did happen. Joey got a Gerardo makeover and then got all tough on the playground. Nothing scares other men quicker than a rapping sitcom actor playing on some monkey bars. Step off, indeed.


I love, Crispin Glover and all his peculiarness but even I can’t understand this mess. And why clowns? Is this why he dissapeared for awhile. To write songs about clowns and such?

I was always a huge Miami Vice fan and I confess that I did buy this 45 but I also bought some Leif Garrett albums so shut up. I really wanted him to find my heartbeat, at the time. And what’s with the video, I don’t know what they were going for. A fashion show during a war with some crazy bike riding gangs? It was the 80’s and a crazy time so who knows. Enjoy.

Uncle Jesse Joh Stamos filled a room with candles and brought us this touching tribute to his tv family. All he needed was a Beach Boy and a room filled with candles. Let us not forget the bed wrapped in gauze and sexy hair. How could you not love all the head banging and hair flipping around. Let me dry my eyes.

Lindsay Lohan’s Hard Work Finally Pays Off.

Finally, a role she can sink her teeth into. Ummmmm…..but probably shouldn’t. Literally and figuratively. Who knows what is going on in this girls head. But whatever it is has nothing to do with rehabilitating her career or getting healthy. She seems intent on going out in a blaze of glory. And not the kind I remember from Young Guns 2. Although I will confess to totally freaking out with my bff just to see Jon Bon Jovi in his cameo roll for a total of 8 or so seconds. Good times.

 I’m not saying that it wouldn’t be a hell of a roll to play.  If you know anything about the biography of, Linda Lovelace, it’s pretty traumatic. But she tool control of her life and spoke publicly about the dark side of porn. Like there’s a pretty shiny rainbow side of porn. And then she died in a car accident.

It just seems like a pretty pretty risky bet to wager on an actress who seems completely detached from reality.

I’m sure the powder on those shoes are totally legal. But even if that was talcum powder or some kind of pressed powder, would you not notice it? I’m sure Coco Chanel would tell her to check in the mirror and take off one accessory and wear unpowdered shoes.

She was recently fired from one movie and I’ll guess we’ll just have to see how long she makes it through this one. So long as she doesn’t end up in jail or worse. C’mon, you know it’s only a matter of time before we see a tragic headline or she ends up on  VH-1 reality show. Kind of the same thing.

{May 6, 2010}   Daily Bale

The Best Reason To Watch CSI, NY


Who do I have to kill to get frisked?

Watching this show will turn you or someone you love into a raving homosexual.

Seriously, I was watching this last night and got a huge urge to throw on some lame and sing show tunes. Beware or your sons may start wearing pink shirts. But on a serious note, stop twisting the bible to promote your hate, assholes.

Is this really what religion is about? This is one of the major reasons I abandoned religion and became more, “Spiritual”. I don’t want brain washed people telling me who I should hate. And if we are going to condemn people, let’s all start with the people who are hypocrites.

George Alan Rekers is a good place to start.

George Alan Rekers, a prominent anti-gay activist who co-founded the conservative Family Research Council, was caught returning from a 10-day trip to Europe with a male escort he found on, which is exactly what it sounds like.

[UPDATE: The escort now says Rekers is indeed gay, and that Rekers paid him to perform daily nude body rubs during their European jaunt. “It’s a situation where he’s going against homosexuality when he is a homosexual,” the young man told the New Times, adding that Rekers — who repeatedly asked for a move he dubbed “The Long Stroke” — ought to divorce himself from his many anti-gay associations.

Rekers has a new explanation for the trip. “I deliberately spend time with sinners with the loving goal to try to help them,” he said in a statement posted on Facebook.

The Miami New Times promises more details and a profile of the escort, whom they codenamed “Lucien” but whose identity has been revealed elsewhere.]

Not to worry, Rekers told the Miami New Times, which broke the story: He claims he learned his 20-year-old companion was a prostitute only midway through their trip, they had no intimate contact, and he hired the young man only because recent surgery means “I can’t lift luggage.”

This seems highly dubious, not least because the New Times reporters spotted the retired professor pushing his baggage cart through Miami International Airport. It would be extremely difficult to stumble upon the homepage, which features young well-muscled men rubbing each other’s crotches on grainy video loops, and not figure out what the site means by “rent boy.”

I personally think that guy is more dangerous than a tv show.

{May 6, 2010}   Bale Of The Day

Mark Wahlberg

I recently watched, The Lovely Bones. This movie is awesome and does not ruin the book. He needs no Funky Bunch.

{May 6, 2010}   Who’s Tweeting?

I’ve never tweeted and I’m not sure how it works but it seems like it leads to many fights. Especially amoung semi-celebrities. For instance:

Lindsay Lohand and her ex. She recently had a tweet fight and hurled a drink at her ex-lady friends head. Which she apparently got banned for. Aren’t you suppose to hold the glass and just dispurse liquid? Why kill the pour glass? What did the glass do to deserve this treatment?

It also leads to pics we do not need to see. Thanks, Courtney, my eyes are crying from this horror.

^%$&$%*^%*, why? Supposedly it was to show us her to tat’s but really it’s just made me lose my appetite. I guess that is one way to drop some pounds before bathingsuit season.

To me it seems as though all this tweeting opens us up to too much info. Some of it gross and much of it boring. I don’t care if you are getting a latte unless you are getting me one as well.

Do you know  how many random thoughts I have in a day? Don’t you have pets you can share them with. My poor dogs probably wish I tweeted so I would leave them alone.  Stop tweeting every damn thought.

{January 6, 2010}   This Month’s People

Kate thinks we don’t know

The New Mullet

Those are the saddest extensions I’ve ever seen and they didn’t use enough. It pretty much looks like the new and improved mullet, not sexy. She should have consulted with extension Dr. Ken Paves but it looks like she went down to Sally’s and got her some of those Paris extensions.Even the, Real Houswives Or Orange County are laughing at those.

I do enjoy the picture for the secrets of, The Jersey Shore, pic. What’s the secret other than lots of hair gel and spray tan?

And poor, Elina, she looks like she wants to kill someone and she probably does. I’m sure I’ll read it.

{January 6, 2010}   The Daily Bale


The Bale that started it all

{January 6, 2010}   That Shit Is Bananas


Have you ever eaten a banana and then decided it would be better with some cocaine? Well now you are in luck. I think cocaine bananas would be good in a protein shake. Actually, they were in plantains which means I think I want some plantanos fritos for lunch.

MADRID (Reuters) – Spanish police have uncovered at least 25 kilos of heroin hidden in boxes of plantains destined for the shelves of Madrid supermarkets, local media reported on Sunday.

A worker at the low-cost Lidl supermarket found a brick of the drug as he unloaded a box of the fruit, which is related to the banana, on Saturday morning, El Mundo newspaper said.

Police were alerted and hunted around all the Lidl branches in the Madrid region as well as the main city market. Sniffer dogs found up to 25 packets of the drug.

“Two or three police cars came and they went straight to the bananas to search them,” an employee at one Lidl branch told El Mundo.

Lidl withdrew all the plantains, which had come from Ivory Coast and Ecuador, from its shops, the newspaper said. Lidl representatives could not be reached for comment.

(Reporting by Nigel Davies; Editing by Angus MacSwan)

{January 6, 2010}   Favorite Musicals

least they’re mine

West Side Story.

It’s a simple story about a girl named, Maria and a boy named, Tony. Caught in between two worlds and snappy jazz dancing, the star crossed lovers just want to be together, somewhere there’s a place for them. But it’s not to be. It makes you want to go crazy, cool, snap happy.

Of course the accents are pretty bad. I grew up with a billion Puerto Rican’s and not one of them sounded like that. Roman Maroney sounded more Puerto Rican than this group.

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{January 6, 2010}   Marilyn Manson, Evan Rachel Wood

The wedding you never wanted to see happen.

I’m sure this will work out? Supposedly the tantrum prone singer and Dita clone are engaged. I have a feeling they are not going to register at, Crate and Barrel. They previously broke up and his response was,

Someone said to me, “Okay, I want to be with you until I die.” And then they gave up. I was at the point in my life where I was like, “Okay, let’s die, but I tell you what, I’m going to kill you first, because I don’t trust you.”

My lowest point was Christmas Day 2008, because I didn’t speak to my family. My walls were covered in scrawlings of the lyrics and cocaine bags nailed to the wall. And I did have an experience where I was struggling to deal with being alone and being forsaken and being betrayed by putting your trust in one person, and making the mistake of that being the wrong person. And that’s a mistake that everyone can relate to. I made the mistake of trying to, desperately, grasp on and save that and own it. And every time I called her that day — I called 158 times — I took a razorblade and I cut myself on my face or on my hands.

Yeah, so he sounds totally stable. Why wouldn’t you want to marry that guy? I wonder if the groom will wear black lipstick?

{January 6, 2010}   Fash-On and Fash-Off

Would you wear it?


This was for the Sherlock Holmes premiere in, NYC. isn’t it, Febuary and wouldn’t her lady parts freeze in this? At least her underwear match, so there’s that. Somebody forgot to give her the rest of her outfit.

Christina Aguilera and Nicole Ritchie, New Year’s Eve Party

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et cetera