Christinas4’s Weblog











{March 6, 2008}   Fart Without Fear

 

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It’s hard enough to find the right pair of jeans that don’t make your ass look big, and don’t look like mom jeans. But you also want to make sure that they are properly filtering out your stink butt. You know how it goes. You always say you’re never going back to Taco Hell, but you do. 

You just keep thinking, this time will be different. The story always ends the same and it doesn’t end well. So there you are walking up the aisles of your local grocery store when that chalupa starts to fight back. So what do you do, look for an empty aisle to releaseyour hell fire.

 And of course right at that moment someone walks up looking for some chick peas. Just your luck. What can you do? You can run but you’ll just run into them over in the chips isle and they’ll look at you with disgust. Like they’ve never had to deal with some angry hot sauce, judgey!

Anyways, my point. It looks like those of us with sensitive intestines have a friend in, Under Ease. While is seems like a gift from God  himself, I also have questions. Will the elastic around your waist and legs cut off your circulation? And most importantly, if it traps the gas, what happens when you take the pants off? Depending on what you’ve been eating, it could be instant carbon dioxide poisioning.

I don’t want anybody reading this to get the wrong idea. I am the epitome of grace and elegance. I don’t walk, I float. As a matter of fact, small woodland creatures follow me everywhere I go and do my bidding. It’s just that sometimes my intestines want to sing and their instrument of choice resides in the poop shoot region. I wonder if you can get them in skinny or boot cut? While your there, check out the gas eaters. I’m not sure where that goes but some of you may be into that. Mine is not to judge but to love.

 Under-Ease pants have an in-built multi-layered, replaceable filter, made of felt, charcoal and fibreglass wool to absorb odour.The underpants are made from air-tight fabric and are completely sealed with elastic around the waistband and legs to prevent any gas escaping.Under-Tec inventor Buck Weimer said: “Under-Ease are underwear for protection against bad human gas.“We get a lot of jokes – but we don’t doubt that this is a serious product that serves a purpose.”The pants are machine washable and the filters can last as long as several months, depending on the frequency of use and laundering.   

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{March 6, 2008}   Fun with phone cameras

You know what’s great about those things? You can capture your random moments and share them with others. Weather or not they care to see them. So I am going to share a few random moments of my life with you in picture form. 

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I don’t know why I found this interesting. It’s an energy drink called, Old Glory. And for those of you who want the most hyperactivity for you bucks. This tasty drink is only .99. I have no idea if it is really tasty or not as I am too scared to try it.

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I also wonder if anybody else has come across Old Glory in their super caffeinated drink isle? Sorry, Ol Glory. I added a d so that’s my bad. I would like to think this is the type of drink our forefathers would be proud to drink if they could time travel. It does our flag proud. I toast to you, Ol Glory. I will be toasting you with my sugar free Rockstar, unless you also come in sugar free?

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 This one I like to call, Zombie. I was out of town for work and was thinking the bathroom lighting was especially harsh. But then the bedroom lighting was pretty dim. I had no idea where to apply my make up. I could either end up looking like a clown hooker or a zombie. I chose wrong becuase I ended up looking like a zombie and what’s so wrong with clown hookers?

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Apparently headbanging is timeless. Rock you like a hurricane came on and 2 of the 4 went nuts. My son asked me if I’ve ever heard of this song because it was on Guitar Hero 3. Yes, yes, my child, I have heard of this song.

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He then said, “Ohhhh, I didn’t know it was from your time”. I shared with him how back in my times we didn’t have any fancy mp3 players. We had cassette tapes and after a few weeks your cassette player would eat it and you’d be screwed out of 12.99. Now how will you listen to Bon Jovi? At least it was better than having to put pennies on your record player needle.  

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The littlest of the 4. He’s striking quite a fierce pose. I guess I need to work on my lighting technique. And you can’t tell but he’s also got quite the little karate kick. He’s had no formal training. He’s completely self taught. True story. You should see my shins.

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 That’s the kind of coffee break I’m talking about. I don’t have the kind of job you take coffee breaks. But don’t we all need coffee breaks in this crazy journey we call life? And with only 14% alcohol, you can still walk a straight line and close that big business deal.

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 So pretty much, nothing that exciting but it seemed exciting at the time, hmm. could it be I’m not as exciting as I think I am? Noooooooooo. Surely you jest. 



et cetera