Kate thinks we don’t know

Those are the saddest extensions I’ve ever seen and they didn’t use enough. It pretty much looks like the new and improved mullet, not sexy. She should have consulted with extension Dr. Ken Paves but it looks like she went down to Sally’s and got her some of those Paris extensions.Even the, Real Houswives Or Orange County are laughing at those.

I do enjoy the picture for the secrets of, The Jersey Shore, pic. What’s the secret other than lots of hair gel and spray tan?

And poor, Elina, she looks like she wants to kill someone and she probably does. I’m sure I’ll read it.

Bale-Bale

The Bale that started it all

C-O-C-A-I-N-E

Have you ever eaten a banana and then decided it would be better with some cocaine? Well now you are in luck. I think cocaine bananas would be good in a protein shake. Actually, they were in plantains which means I think I want some plantanos fritos for lunch.

MADRID (Reuters) – Spanish police have uncovered at least 25 kilos of heroin hidden in boxes of plantains destined for the shelves of Madrid supermarkets, local media reported on Sunday.

A worker at the low-cost Lidl supermarket found a brick of the drug as he unloaded a box of the fruit, which is related to the banana, on Saturday morning, El Mundo newspaper said.

Police were alerted and hunted around all the Lidl branches in the Madrid region as well as the main city market. Sniffer dogs found up to 25 packets of the drug.

“Two or three police cars came and they went straight to the bananas to search them,” an employee at one Lidl branch told El Mundo.

Lidl withdrew all the plantains, which had come from Ivory Coast and Ecuador, from its shops, the newspaper said. Lidl representatives could not be reached for comment.

(Reporting by Nigel Davies; Editing by Angus MacSwan)

least they’re mine

West Side Story.

It’s a simple story about a girl named, Maria and a boy named, Tony. Caught in between two worlds and snappy jazz dancing, the star crossed lovers just want to be together, somewhere there’s a place for them. But it’s not to be. It makes you want to go crazy, cool, snap happy.

Of course the accents are pretty bad. I grew up with a billion Puerto Rican’s and not one of them sounded like that. Roman Maroney sounded more Puerto Rican than this group.

The wedding you never wanted to see happen.

I’m sure this will work out? Supposedly the tantrum prone singer and Dita clone are engaged. I have a feeling they are not going to register at, Crate and Barrel. They previously broke up and his response was,

Someone said to me, “Okay, I want to be with you until I die.” And then they gave up. I was at the point in my life where I was like, “Okay, let’s die, but I tell you what, I’m going to kill you first, because I don’t trust you.”

My lowest point was Christmas Day 2008, because I didn’t speak to my family. My walls were covered in scrawlings of the lyrics and cocaine bags nailed to the wall. And I did have an experience where I was struggling to deal with being alone and being forsaken and being betrayed by putting your trust in one person, and making the mistake of that being the wrong person. And that’s a mistake that everyone can relate to. I made the mistake of trying to, desperately, grasp on and save that and own it. And every time I called her that day — I called 158 times — I took a razorblade and I cut myself on my face or on my hands.

Yeah, so he sounds totally stable. Why wouldn’t you want to marry that guy? I wonder if the groom will wear black lipstick?

Would you wear it?

 

This was for the Sherlock Holmes premiere in, NYC. isn’t it, Febuary and wouldn’t her lady parts freeze in this? At least her underwear match, so there’s that. Somebody forgot to give her the rest of her outfit.

Christina Aguilera and Nicole Ritchie, New Year’s Eve Party

Stephen King, Under The Dome

 

All I had to see was that Stephen King had a new book and I was in. We were not a literary family so I had only two choices of books to read when I graduated to chapter books. Romance or horror novels. After reading a few of the romance novels I decided that’s not how my love life was going down and picked up my first Steven King book, Carrie.  I’ve been a oyal reader since then.

At first glance you may be scared because it’s over 1000 pages long and has a map and character key, don’t be. I finished  it in 2 days and one sleepless night. But I have no life.

What I liked about it

It was like coming home to an old friend and I like his writing style. There were some familiar towns. And if you read enough king novels you will never move to the towns, Derry or Castle Rock. It’s filled with kiler clowns, alien poisoned grounds, and various dimension traveling portholes. So stay far away.

And also his love of the 50’s. I get it. If I was a good enough writer my books would be filled with 80’s references.

The characters were well though out and there was the main bastard who has cronie bastards who you just hope have horrible deaths. The characters were well thought out and you really have a hard time putting the book down. Or at least I did.

What I didn’t like

I was dissapointed by the ending. It just ends and you never know what happens afterwards. After taking the journey I was hoping to find out what happens to our hero’s. Nothing.

Other than that I give it a huge, hell yeah.

Basically it’s a story about a cute town that is literaly cut off from the rest of the world by a huge dome and what happens in the town in the days following. I’ll tell you what happens, MUUUUUUUUUUUURDEEEEER.

“Celebrity Apprentice 3” executive producer and head honcho Donald Trump is claiming that this season’s cast “blows ‘Dancing With the Stars‘ away.”

The celeb lineup, announced by NBC Monday (though leaked months ago), features baseball legend Darryl Strawberry, rockers Cyndi Lauper and Bret Michaels, Sharon Osbourne, former Olympians Michael Johnson and Summer Sanders, actress and author Holly Robinson Peete, wrestlers Goldberg and Maria Kanellis, comedians Carol Leifer and Sinbad, former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, chef Curtis Stone and model Selita Ebanks.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2010/01/05/2010-01-05_untitled__inn05tv.html#ixzz0bkIvgmSP

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2010/01/05/2010-01-05_untitled__inn05tv.html#ixzz0bkIvgmSP

This to me seems like the most random group of folks, EVER! I am not sure how this shit will go down but I wonder if Brett will have some of his past “girlfriends” help him sell cupcakes. Prepare for bitch fights galore. And more spectacular toupee’s.

Due to the recent implosion of, Thundersquee.com, I am back to party of 1 blogging. I shall miss the ladies of that site but understand that they need to move on and things were not working for everyone.

Sorry to our loyal readers and I’m just as sad. I do not know any details as to what happened, just the outcome. Thundersquee.com, is no more. Unless I hear different but so far I’ve not heard peep squat.

I do feel lucky to have written with some very smart and witty people. And thanks to the brave souls who edited my sorry ass. I’m gramatically challenged and content to be so. So here I am once again, blogging with myself, uh-uh-uh-uh-oh. But I still love them all dearly. And on that note, a song that sums up my feelings.

 

 

Ok, not sure what the deal with the flipped picture is but it’s upright in my folder. My computer can barely stand the excitement of being all synced up to a new iphone. But this is us. Do we not make a happy little couple. I know most people think it’s pretty lame to wait a few hours for a phone. I get that.

But, do people not also wait and even camp out for Grateful Dead tickets? Don’t you also have to wait to get on a damn rollercoaster? Sure you do unless your JJ Walker. Dynomite. That joke would have killed in the 70’s. Let that just just marinate for awhile and then it will be as my friend STM always says, “Hilarious Prime”. 

My point is, people wait crazy amounts of times for shit they want. Like Furby’s or Tickle Me Elmo. And sure it is stupid. Yeah, duh. I could easily wait a few weeks and get one without the wait. Or I could just order it at the store and wait a few business days. I’m not a complete idiot. Just 75% idiot. The other 25% is a combo of beer and coke zero. But it was pretty fun to wait in line. We have a pretty fun crowd with us. And by us I mean me and my bff. I know I’m too old to use that phrase, but I did. 

Originally the plan was for the 8 gig. But almost around 4 hours and finally at the head of the line. Well, 4 people ahead of us. The ATT helper person or whatever came out and said the words I dreaded. We’re out of the 8 gb phone. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Son of a bitch. 

My friend was ready to pack it in. But I looked at her and couldn’t believe my ears. Do you think those dudes at the battle of waterloo got across the Potomac and told George Washington, we’re late, lets just go home? I know that’s not the right battle bitches so don’t judge me. I’m just telling a story. Oh, Napoleon. I know my history. I watched Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

My point is this. I was NOT going home without a damn phone. So I ended up with the white 16gb. And it is a little piece of heaven. I do regret report that in all of this joy and debauchery there was a casualty. I hate that someone was hurt in all this. Aside from my checkbook. As happy I was to get the fun new Iphone. I had to say goodbye to my old friend. My blackjack 2 was a faithful companion and had many fabulous functions. But the usb connection was accidentally broken when a 3 year old yanked the cord out.

It just made it impossible to charge and I couldn’t download anything on my phone. I had a back up battery and charger but what good is it when you can take pictures but can’t put them on your computer? It was sadnessprime (feel free to use that STM). As they activated my Iphone, my blackjack was deactivated. I never even got to say goodbye. But fear not. Blackjack will live again. He was sold on ebay for a pretty penny and is not living a lovely life in Brazil. I used the money for my Iphone fund. 

And that is the very true story of how Iphone and I came to be as one. I know in a couple of months there will be a newer and grander Iphone or Blackberry. But this one is mine and I love her. I just need a name for her. That’s because I like to name stuff. Probably one of the reasons I have 4 kids. I came up with a name and figured I should have another baby so I can use it. 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is a picture of soup. And another recreating me calling her to beg for her recipe.

 

My grandmother has this habit of not sharing her recipes. It took me nearly a year to figure out her sofrito. Which tastes so yummy over rice with some carne. Ay yi yi. But I’m still trying to figure you her chicken soup. It’s more like a stew then a soup and has a whole chicken cut up, squash, no carrots or celery, and other stuff. But you also pour it over rice and it’s ddddddd lish. I think it’s something along the lines of Asopao de Pollo.

 But anytime I try to get it out of her she always gives me. “Ohh, quina, I put in a little of this and a little of that”. My grandparents always call me Quina. I have no idea what it means. 

Anywhoooooozzle, I’m finding similar recipes but not quite what I’m looking for. I’m sure there is a sofrito base in there as with many Puerto Rican recipes. There were probably some bouillan cubes as well. I’m telling you that not even the CIA could pry her recipes away from her. 

Let me tell you a little something about my grandmother. She was schooled at a convent and is super old school. She has a whistle she takes with her on walks in case she ever runs into, and I quote, “Dat man a cheee a wchaant to rchape me.” She’s Rican so she rolls the r’s a lot. And when she curses it’s hard to make out what she’s saying. Ju stooped house. I’ve decided that means you’re a stupid ass. And she likes the wine. So I’m going to say there was wine in that recipe. More in her glass than in the pot but it’s probably in there. 

I’ve been finding similar recipes and trying to change them up. Nothing is close. I just want some stinking Rican chicken stew so I can pour it over my rice and enjoy with some plantanos fritos. What’s a girl gotta do to get a recipe?

 

I’m now one of those people who talk about their pet. But look at that, it’s so cuuuuute. Nacho has taken himself a lady friend and the fact they are from two different worlds matters to him not. Sure she’s full of fluff and doesn’t return his affections. He still loves her, or him. I’m not sure yet but if he see’s her lying around he mounts her and tries to give her his man love. I’m not sure if she enjoys it or is just humoring him. 

I’m really proud that even though he’s small in stature and his girlfriend is much bigger than himself. He’s man enough to not let it bruise his ego. He’s still too small for being fixed but as soon as he’s old enough, snip snip. He already thinks our shoes are his foe and attacks at his leisure. I don’t also need him to try and make love to my feet. No way that guy could work a whole leg without falling off. He just can’t help it. He’s half chihuahua and his latin lover side just takes over.

There’s my Nachos Grande story for the day. Keep on humping Nacho.

 

 

I’ve aquired two new additions to the family. I’m working on getting the picture of one of them. She’s just too fast for my camera. Luckily the other one is too slow. Announcing Mr. Nachos Grande. He’s one full pound of love and friskiness. I saw an ad for him and couldn’t resist his cuteness. 

Originally his name was Mr. Justin Timberlake. But a few family members thought it was emasculating enough that he looked like a girl dog without humiliating him more. Gahhhh. So after more consideration we’ve named him Nachos Grande.

His favorite things are; Fighting with shoes, waking me up at 4 am, running around in circles till he falls, and my favorite, pretending to lick your face and then trying to eat it off. He’s the Hannibal Lechter of puppies. He’s small but he’s scrappy. 

Obviously it’s been a long time since last post and much has happened. Sadly, nothing exciting, hmpf. I sure I wish I had some exciting adventure to report but all I have is this lame post about my hair. 

So it’s getting hot and I decided I wanted to be blonder. Too bad my camera sucks the big one so the picture isn’t all that great. I have an addiction to hair color and bleach so I’m surprised I still have any hair left on my head. I started with a base color and then did blonde chunks wherever I felt like it. Probably not the method approved by Vidal Sasson. But that guy did not even bother to help me out. 

Looking at this picture makes me scared. I just realized that if I were on Americas Next Top Model, I would be the tranny one. Tyra would tell me to watch the angles of my face so I don’t look too hard. And to add insult to injury. She’d give me the Mia Farrow hair don’t. And I’m obviously emoting enough fierceness with my eyes. I’m such a dissapointment. Maybe I could still make it on Rock of Love? Brett Michaels seem to like the ladies who look like dudes.

 

 

I have a new phone since my other one is just not performing up to my standards. And yes, this is like my fourth this year. I’m hard to please so be aware, Blackjack 2. Don’t disappoint or you’ll be like the rest of my phones. I thought about getting a different Blackberry but found out you need to have a separate texting plan. Something about having their own server. I smell conspiracy. So that was a no to me. I will not be ripped off, damnit. I settled on Blackjack 2 even though I wanted an Iphone. But I was afraid since like most other Apple products, they don’t play well with other programs. I have a mac but every other computer in our home has Windows XP. Yes, I said other. Like 6 total.Don’t even ask. But if you ever feel like checking emails while you’re in your, “office”. We also have wireless. Just don’t tell me about it afterwards. Keep that information to yourself.It’s a pretty sexy phone and I have yet to figure it all out. It looks pretty dummy proof so far. But Samsung has not met this dummy yet and I’m sure I’ll get confused. Everything seems pretty easy to find and it’s so shiny and has a wheel. The pics are pretty good but it’s still a camera phone. 

 

Either way, here is a picture of Christian Bale. He has nothing to do with my phone but it makes me happy. 

 

 

 

 

It’s hard enough to find the right pair of jeans that don’t make your ass look big, and don’t look like mom jeans. But you also want to make sure that they are properly filtering out your stink butt. You know how it goes. You always say you’re never going back to Taco Hell, but you do. 

You just keep thinking, this time will be different. The story always ends the same and it doesn’t end well. So there you are walking up the aisles of your local grocery store when that chalupa starts to fight back. So what do you do, look for an empty aisle to releaseyour hell fire.

 And of course right at that moment someone walks up looking for some chick peas. Just your luck. What can you do? You can run but you’ll just run into them over in the chips isle and they’ll look at you with disgust. Like they’ve never had to deal with some angry hot sauce, judgey!

Anyways, my point. It looks like those of us with sensitive intestines have a friend in, Under Ease. While is seems like a gift from God  himself, I also have questions. Will the elastic around your waist and legs cut off your circulation? And most importantly, if it traps the gas, what happens when you take the pants off? Depending on what you’ve been eating, it could be instant carbon dioxide poisioning.

I don’t want anybody reading this to get the wrong idea. I am the epitome of grace and elegance. I don’t walk, I float. As a matter of fact, small woodland creatures follow me everywhere I go and do my bidding. It’s just that sometimes my intestines want to sing and their instrument of choice resides in the poop shoot region. I wonder if you can get them in skinny or boot cut? While your there, check out the gas eaters. I’m not sure where that goes but some of you may be into that. Mine is not to judge but to love.

 Under-Ease pants have an in-built multi-layered, replaceable filter, made of felt, charcoal and fibreglass wool to absorb odour.The underpants are made from air-tight fabric and are completely sealed with elastic around the waistband and legs to prevent any gas escaping.Under-Tec inventor Buck Weimer said: “Under-Ease are underwear for protection against bad human gas.“We get a lot of jokes – but we don’t doubt that this is a serious product that serves a purpose.”The pants are machine washable and the filters can last as long as several months, depending on the frequency of use and laundering.   

You know what’s great about those things? You can capture your random moments and share them with others. Weather or not they care to see them. So I am going to share a few random moments of my life with you in picture form. 

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I don’t know why I found this interesting. It’s an energy drink called, Old Glory. And for those of you who want the most hyperactivity for you bucks. This tasty drink is only .99. I have no idea if it is really tasty or not as I am too scared to try it.

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I also wonder if anybody else has come across Old Glory in their super caffeinated drink isle? Sorry, Ol Glory. I added a d so that’s my bad. I would like to think this is the type of drink our forefathers would be proud to drink if they could time travel. It does our flag proud. I toast to you, Ol Glory. I will be toasting you with my sugar free Rockstar, unless you also come in sugar free?

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 This one I like to call, Zombie. I was out of town for work and was thinking the bathroom lighting was especially harsh. But then the bedroom lighting was pretty dim. I had no idea where to apply my make up. I could either end up looking like a clown hooker or a zombie. I chose wrong becuase I ended up looking like a zombie and what’s so wrong with clown hookers?

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Apparently headbanging is timeless. Rock you like a hurricane came on and 2 of the 4 went nuts. My son asked me if I’ve ever heard of this song because it was on Guitar Hero 3. Yes, yes, my child, I have heard of this song.

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He then said, “Ohhhh, I didn’t know it was from your time”. I shared with him how back in my times we didn’t have any fancy mp3 players. We had cassette tapes and after a few weeks your cassette player would eat it and you’d be screwed out of 12.99. Now how will you listen to Bon Jovi? At least it was better than having to put pennies on your record player needle.  

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The littlest of the 4. He’s striking quite a fierce pose. I guess I need to work on my lighting technique. And you can’t tell but he’s also got quite the little karate kick. He’s had no formal training. He’s completely self taught. True story. You should see my shins.

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 That’s the kind of coffee break I’m talking about. I don’t have the kind of job you take coffee breaks. But don’t we all need coffee breaks in this crazy journey we call life? And with only 14% alcohol, you can still walk a straight line and close that big business deal.

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 So pretty much, nothing that exciting but it seemed exciting at the time, hmm. could it be I’m not as exciting as I think I am? Noooooooooo. Surely you jest. 

  

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  I logged on and thought I had just come to my front page. But, alas, I was featured. FEATURED! I’m not sure exactly what I was featured for but I hope it wasn’t for the biggest dummy award. 

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I’m also assuming there is no check since I’ve not seen one in my mailbox. Of course it wouldn’t be that unusual. Let me tell you about my postal lady. She likes her cigarettes and sometimes if she doesn’t feel much like it, she will not put the packages on my door. She just leaves the yellow, “We missed you”, card in my box. I just say, “You put my mail in and drove away.” I complained once but I could tell they probably were laughing at me once I left.

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 I’m just telling you guys, I do not have a long drive way or anything like that. It’s totally doable. Now I need to wait a day to pic up whatever crappy junk I won from ebay. GAAHHHH! That’s for my mail lady and for ebay always sucking me in.I can’t even tell you the amount of things I’ve gotten in the mail and thought, it looked way bigger in the picture.

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 Plus they always kill you on the shipping. I get the packaging and all that business. But 25 bucks for shipping a pair of jeans? Bite me.  I get so excited at the thought of buying some Rock and Republic jeans for 60 bucks, I miss the 40 dollar shipping price. I completely went somewhere else in my head there. I digress

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. Back to something. Before my postal lady rant? MY AWARD! You just have no idea how exciting it is to me. It’s almost as awesome as that, “Commie™”, I won this week. You know what I’m talking about, Hags.  I never win anything. I know people say that all the time. But I really never win anything. There was that one time I won some raffle at the school dance. It was just a free pizza at Dominos. And I didn’t deserve it because someone just handed me the ticket. I was unworthy of my pepperoni pizza, but I still ate it.

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 I don’t even win at bingo. And to those in charge of featuring random blogs, thank you so much. I will be sure to keep up the randomness that occupies my medulla oblongata. I think you will find I’m full of it. 

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PS, why does my stupid mac not allow me to make paragraph’s? It’s really irking me but I know not the ways of the mac.  

  

Valentines is upon us and what to get your loved one? Hmmm, ponder and ponder carefully. What does a reformed slutty girl get her computer/gadget loving husband? Another item that has to be synced or recharged? Hmm, that doesn’t sount too bad. Just looking around on some sites I found a few things that caught my eye. And a few things that made me laugh. To name a few.

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Ultra Tech 3000, Bargain Beaver Vibrator; Do you really want to skimp when it comes to the big, O? And the caveat really made me chortle, “please note that any ”bargain-style” product will almost always be constructed from moderate-quality components. Oh my, where exactly are they getting these moderate quality components? I hope they don’t contain any lead.

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Karma Sutra Pleasure Balm; It reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld. “Who told you to use a balm?, Do you know what a balm does”‘ “Nobody knows what a balm does”. I don’t think I can use a balm now because I can’t be sure exactly what will happen.

Men’s Waterproof Pleasure Smoke-Wand; What the hell, it smokes? That and it looks like a jack hammer. I don’t know if I were a dude if I’d like that near my p-spot. And how can you be sure it’s, “Waterproof”. Do you want to be the one who gets the faulty Smoke-Wand and is found in the bathtub with a pleasure wand up your bum? What would your mother say?

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First Timer Vibrators; Hell to the no. This thing looks like, Hello Kitty. I do not want to put something near my lady business that looks like a childhood friend. It looks so innocent and cute. How could you look at it and then kill it in the face like that? You monsters.So, now I’m in no better position than before but I sure have had fun. And I think I would like to name vibrators as a job. The crazier the name, the better it will sell. Enjoy your; “Bang A Dong, Get It On, Vibrator”. It’s, simply irresistible. That one is for the fans of the 80’s. 

I guess I could go with a dinner and a movie? It’s not as fun as my basket full of, “Discreetly packaged”, goodies. But, I should have a back up in case someone is not interested in anal ease or booty wipes. Ungrateful.  

   Sister Christian. Why do I still love that song? It’s been in my head a lot and thanks to the lovely, Word Wide Web, I can listen to it anytime I please. It makes me wish I still had my old Jordache Jeans. I doubt I could get a single leg in them since I was only in sixth grade when I owned them. I used all my Christmas and Chanukah money to buy, 3 PAIRS!. Yes, people, 3!!!!!

S