Fart Without Fear

 

 

 

 

It’s hard enough to find the right pair of jeans that don’t make your ass look big, and don’t look like mom jeans. But you also want to make sure that they are properly filtering out your stink butt. You know how it goes. You always say you’re never going back to Taco Hell, but you do. 

You just keep thinking, this time will be different. The story always ends the same and it doesn’t end well. So there you are walking up the aisles of your local grocery store when that chalupa starts to fight back. So what do you do, look for an empty aisle to releaseyour hell fire.

 And of course right at that moment someone walks up looking for some chick peas. Just your luck. What can you do? You can run but you’ll just run into them over in the chips isle and they’ll look at you with disgust. Like they’ve never had to deal with some angry hot sauce, judgey!

Anyways, my point. It looks like those of us with sensitive intestines have a friend in, Under Ease. While is seems like a gift from God  himself, I also have questions. Will the elastic around your waist and legs cut off your circulation? And most importantly, if it traps the gas, what happens when you take the pants off? Depending on what you’ve been eating, it could be instant carbon dioxide poisioning.

I don’t want anybody reading this to get the wrong idea. I am the epitome of grace and elegance. I don’t walk, I float. As a matter of fact, small woodland creatures follow me everywhere I go and do my bidding. It’s just that sometimes my intestines want to sing and their instrument of choice resides in the poop shoot region. I wonder if you can get them in skinny or boot cut? While your there, check out the gas eaters. I’m not sure where that goes but some of you may be into that. Mine is not to judge but to love.

 Under-Ease pants have an in-built multi-layered, replaceable filter, made of felt, charcoal and fibreglass wool to absorb odour.The underpants are made from air-tight fabric and are completely sealed with elastic around the waistband and legs to prevent any gas escaping.Under-Tec inventor Buck Weimer said: “Under-Ease are underwear for protection against bad human gas.“We get a lot of jokes - but we don’t doubt that this is a serious product that serves a purpose.”The pants are machine washable and the filters can last as long as several months, depending on the frequency of use and laundering.   

Fun with phone cameras

You know what’s great about those things? You can capture your random moments and share them with others. Weather or not they care to see them. So I am going to share a few random moments of my life with you in picture form. 

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I don’t know why I found this interesting. It’s an energy drink called, Old Glory. And for those of you who want the most hyperactivity for you bucks. This tasty drink is only .99. I have no idea if it is really tasty or not as I am too scared to try it.

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I also wonder if anybody else has come across Old Glory in their super caffeinated drink isle? Sorry, Ol Glory. I added a d so that’s my bad. I would like to think this is the type of drink our forefathers would be proud to drink if they could time travel. It does our flag proud. I toast to you, Ol Glory. I will be toasting you with my sugar free Rockstar, unless you also come in sugar free?

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 This one I like to call, Zombie. I was out of town for work and was thinking the bathroom lighting was especially harsh. But then the bedroom lighting was pretty dim. I had no idea where to apply my make up. I could either end up looking like a clown hooker or a zombie. I chose wrong becuase I ended up looking like a zombie and what’s so wrong with clown hookers?

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Apparently headbanging is timeless. Rock you like a hurricane came on and 2 of the 4 went nuts. My son asked me if I’ve ever heard of this song because it was on Guitar Hero 3. Yes, yes, my child, I have heard of this song.

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He then said, “Ohhhh, I didn’t know it was from your time”. I shared with him how back in my times we didn’t have any fancy mp3 players. We had cassette tapes and after a few weeks your cassette player would eat it and you’d be screwed out of 12.99. Now how will you listen to Bon Jovi? At least it was better than having to put pennies on your record player needle.  

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The littlest of the 4. He’s striking quite a fierce pose. I guess I need to work on my lighting technique. And you can’t tell but he’s also got quite the little karate kick. He’s had no formal training. He’s completely self taught. True story. You should see my shins.

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 That’s the kind of coffee break I’m talking about. I don’t have the kind of job you take coffee breaks. But don’t we all need coffee breaks in this crazy journey we call life? And with only 14% alcohol, you can still walk a straight line and close that big business deal.

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 So pretty much, nothing that exciting but it seemed exciting at the time, hmm. could it be I’m not as exciting as I think I am? Noooooooooo. Surely you jest. 

FEATURED, ME?!

  

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  I logged on and thought I had just come to my front page. But, alas, I was featured. FEATURED! I’m not sure exactly what I was featured for but I hope it wasn’t for the biggest dummy award. 

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I’m also assuming there is no check since I’ve not seen one in my mailbox. Of course it wouldn’t be that unusual. Let me tell you about my postal lady. She likes her cigarettes and sometimes if she doesn’t feel much like it, she will not put the packages on my door. She just leaves the yellow, “We missed you”, card in my box. I just say, “You put my mail in and drove away.” I complained once but I could tell they probably were laughing at me once I left.

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 I’m just telling you guys, I do not have a long drive way or anything like that. It’s totally doable. Now I need to wait a day to pic up whatever crappy junk I won from ebay. GAAHHHH! That’s for my mail lady and for ebay always sucking me in.I can’t even tell you the amount of things I’ve gotten in the mail and thought, it looked way bigger in the picture.

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 Plus they always kill you on the shipping. I get the packaging and all that business. But 25 bucks for shipping a pair of jeans? Bite me.  I get so excited at the thought of buying some Rock and Republic jeans for 60 bucks, I miss the 40 dollar shipping price. I completely went somewhere else in my head there. I digress

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. Back to something. Before my postal lady rant? MY AWARD! You just have no idea how exciting it is to me. It’s almost as awesome as that, “Commie™”, I won this week. You know what I’m talking about, Hags.  I never win anything. I know people say that all the time. But I really never win anything. There was that one time I won some raffle at the school dance. It was just a free pizza at Dominos. And I didn’t deserve it because someone just handed me the ticket. I was unworthy of my pepperoni pizza, but I still ate it.

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 I don’t even win at bingo. And to those in charge of featuring random blogs, thank you so much. I will be sure to keep up the randomness that occupies my medulla oblongata. I think you will find I’m full of it. 

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PS, why does my stupid mac not allow me to make paragraph’s? It’s really irking me but I know not the ways of the mac.  

It’s coming

  

Valentines is upon us and what to get your loved one? Hmmm, ponder and ponder carefully. What does a reformed slutty girl get her computer/gadget loving husband? Another item that has to be synced or recharged? Hmm, that doesn’t sount too bad. Just looking around on some sites I found a few things that caught my eye. And a few things that made me laugh. To name a few.

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Ultra Tech 3000, Bargain Beaver Vibrator; Do you really want to skimp when it comes to the big, O? And the caveat really made me chortle, “please note that any ”bargain-style” product will almost always be constructed from moderate-quality components. Oh my, where exactly are they getting these moderate quality components? I hope they don’t contain any lead.

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Karma Sutra Pleasure Balm; It reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld. “Who told you to use a balm?, Do you know what a balm does”‘ “Nobody knows what a balm does”. I don’t think I can use a balm now because I can’t be sure exactly what will happen.

Men’s Waterproof Pleasure Smoke-Wand; What the hell, it smokes? That and it looks like a jack hammer. I don’t know if I were a dude if I’d like that near my p-spot. And how can you be sure it’s, “Waterproof”. Do you want to be the one who gets the faulty Smoke-Wand and is found in the bathtub with a pleasure wand up your bum? What would your mother say?

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First Timer Vibrators; Hell to the no. This thing looks like, Hello Kitty. I do not want to put something near my lady business that looks like a childhood friend. It looks so innocent and cute. How could you look at it and then kill it in the face like that? You monsters.So, now I’m in no better position than before but I sure have had fun. And I think I would like to name vibrators as a job. The crazier the name, the better it will sell. Enjoy your; “Bang A Dong, Get It On, Vibrator”. It’s, simply irresistible. That one is for the fans of the 80’s. 

I guess I could go with a dinner and a movie? It’s not as fun as my basket full of, “Discreetly packaged”, goodies. But, I should have a back up in case someone is not interested in anal ease or booty wipes. Ungrateful.  

Who’s ready to rock???

   Sister Christian. Why do I still love that song? It’s been in my head a lot and thanks to the lovely, Word Wide Web, I can listen to it anytime I please. It makes me wish I still had my old Jordache Jeans. I doubt I could get a single leg in them since I was only in sixth grade when I owned them. I used all my Christmas and Chanukah money to buy, 3 PAIRS!. Yes, people, 3!!!!!

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Lazy ass

   OMG, it’s a new year. Where have I been? Around! I finally got back into the swing of work and have even started picking up private clients on the pilates reformer. It’s going well but it’s cut into my me time. Wahhh, what about MEEEEEEEEE? I do love to be busy so it’s not a bad thing.I said at some point I was going to put up some video clips of my yoga. I still plan on that. I like to make mini clips while I think of ideas of different flows and they kind of organically change and go in different directions. I guess it’s the ole dancer in me. I try to choreograph things. Like when I pick up socks. It’s always much better if you add an attitude derriere with a nice pirouettes. That’s how you pick up a pair of socks with, FLAIR! At any rate, that’s my plan next week. Get on that yoga stuff. I’ve been a lazy ass in coming up with new stuff for my classes as well. I guess since it’s a new year I should try and do some fun new stuff so I’m always growing and moving forward, blah, blah, rolling stone, blah, keep on trucking. Plus, I am going to start a reading list and maybe some people can share some good books for me to read. Or maybe you can steal some of my ideas. Just finished,The way of the peaceful warrior, try it out. Lovely Bones (I know I’m really late on this one)Anatomy of movement Crap, that’s kind of it. That’s a sad little list.  I need to get on that.  Nothing from the Oprah book club. Anywhoooooo, yay for the new year and all the good stuff that will come our way. PS, I totally tried to do this in paragraphs and it keeps taking them out. I really know how to make them but my blog is screwing with me. It’s angry at me for some reason and I’m not sure why? Oh yeah, probably because I ignored it for like 3 months. I’m sorry blog, please forgive me. 

THE HORROR!

So on my decorating binge I also decided to put up my Christmas Lights. As I was pulling some out, something flew past my head. What is that? Was some snowman trying to make a run for it?

I turn around and it was a horrible mouse corpse. AHHHHHHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHHHH, AHHHHHHHHH.  It looked like it had become some kind of mouse mummy. I had to throw out all the lights it was on becuase of the smell. And there was this weird blobby/dusty object on a bag. Like it gave birth to a huge dusty fur ball.

Luckily none of my good decorations were in there. and of course I spent the rest of the day I spent dry heaving. That’s what you get for trying to touch my lights you furry little bastard. I should have made a tiny little chalk outline of his body as a lesson to all his bastard mouse friends.

Uggh

Here is my bathroom I repainted and my cabinets. Also a picture of my bedroom with new bedroom furniture. Sorry about my crappy phone camera. You can’t really see my fancy cabinets. It involved lots of sanding, staining, more sanding.

Long time, no bloggy. I was all busy with holidays and blah, blah, blah. I have been bitten by the diy bug. So far I’ve repainted my stairs, bathroom, bedroom, sons room

I also painted and antiqued my bathroom cabinets and a bookshelf. I blame, HGTV, for all of this. I watch those shows and then belive I too can do that.

I usually do pretty good but have had some tragedy’s. I’v lost a good dresser, several shelves, many unfinished wood items. I blame crackle paint for many of those. DAMN YOU CRACKLE PAINT.

I have relatives coming so I feel I should probably make the casa look halfway decent. I took some pics but my new phone takes crappy pictures. I’m sooooooooooooo going to have to get a new phone.

I’ve resisted the lure of the iphone but with the upcoming present givings I think I may succomb to the dastardly phone. I’m sure I will be hooked becuase that’s just the kind of consumer I am.

Friday, already?

Man, this week went by quickly. I was not all that excited with my, Blackberry. It was nice but it was too much phone for me. I just wanted something cute I can talk on and text. Also the occasional pic.

I traded in the crackberry for a, Samsun sync. I like it and love that it can also take video clips. The pitures are not as good at the, Blackberry Pearl. I even took one to prove it.

Pictures turn out pretty blurry. I do miss he keyboard of the, Pearl. It’s pretty nice and I got it in a cute red color. It’s what sealed the deal. I almost got a, razor. But then I thought, everyone has one of those.

The more I write about it the more I’m feeling, meh. We are getting another line and the family plan so there is a chance to get something even cooler. I’ll pass this one on to the fruit of the loins. That’s the greatness of being the mom.

I hope everyone is going to have some fun times this weekend. Have fun and don’t anybody wet their pants from too much fun.

HALLOWEEEENY!!!!!!!!

I love, love, love, Halloween. It’s not just the candy either. I also love the really bad movies. And the good one’s. Exorcist always comes on and I remember the time in Georgetown we walked down the stairs from exorcist and we were pretty wasted and ended up crawling near the end. That and I think I might have been crying near the end becuase it was so scary.

Good thing they are right next to a bar. My friend kept saying, don’t trip and fall or you’ll die. No wonder I was crying she’s so mean. She also would make faces at small children in checkout lines.  I watched her make a few kids cry. It’s fine. She got arrested for hitting a car and trying to outrun the cops. Good times. But she’s not the same friend that got us kicked out of Denny’s for being drunk and disorderly. Remind me to tell you that tale of fun and intrigue.

The stairs are still there and for people who are into fitness they are really good to run up. They are near, M street. Or at least around there. It’s been a really long time since I’ve seen them. If I ever get back there I’ll try running them. Back then my only exercise came from the occasional beer crawl.

Some fun pics of the big day

 Before, a shot, weeee

,  After, ohhhh nice, morphine

Here are some fun pics of the day.  Even drugged up and woozy I like to entertain. These pics were right after the shot in my IV. And I’ll also post some after I finally woke up and realized I was on morphine. Good times.

Back in the saddle!

So the time has come to get back into the swing of things. Today is officially two weeks from my sugery. I was getting sliced open like a turkey this time two weeks ago. Fun stuff.

I’m feeling really good and have been walking for short periods 2 to 3 times per day. I’m starting to feel like a load of caca. I used to do 2 to 3 classes a day and now I’m walking for about 10 minutes a day. Snooooooring.

I’m cleared to walk so I hit the treadmill before I start outgrowing my pants. I’m at the point where I’m feeling much better but since I still can’t do a lot of things I used to, I’m eating when I don’t need to. And while I’m not in danger of falling off the cliff, I’m walking towards the edge.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I made it 2 1/2 miles and over 200 calories. Yay for me. Now I just have to remember not to shove food in my cakehole when I get bored. I’m still working on the first book on my reading list. I still have two weeks before I go back to work so I should get on that.

Tomorrow I will try dun dun duh……..some yoga. I still can’t twist becuase of my incision but I can still do some standing and seated poses. Let’s all hope I don’t pull, rip, or, loosen, something.

I’M ALIVE, I’M ALIVE!!!!!!

Of course. Dead men tell no tales. So it goes a little something like this. Drop all the little people off to school. Husbo drives me to the hospital and really, not much waiting. I was prepared to wait mucho time. OMG there was a tv but I had to use my fingers to change the channel. What is this, a third world country. NO REMOTE. I’m having surgery people. That was my line for most of the day.

You expect me to make breakfast, I’m having surgery. You just never get to use that too much in life so I thought I would milk it for all it’s worth. The doctor comes in and chats with me. The husband person was out in the hall taking a work call. I’m having surgery here, take a message. Gahhhhhhhhh, do I have to die here to get some attention?

We discuss and finally my life partner comes back. Next up is the anesthesiologist. I’m sure I spelled that wrong but it’s too late for me to google. I’m tired, I’ve had surgery so cut me some slack. Oh, nice.  I have a new phrase, I like it.

He puts something in my iv and it’s all puppies and rainbows. What’s happening people, hoooollllaaa. So I decided to do a before picture. And once I get my bluetooth working I’ll up it to my mac and then will have to transfer it to this laptop. This stupid laptop has no bluetooth and not enough memory to download it directly from my, Blackberry. LAZY! You’ve had no surgery, what’s your deal?

Anyways, I decided that the best time to take my farewell uterus pictures is when I’m all drugged up. That’s what it must be like for Coutney and Britney. I now feel like I’ve walked a mile in their shoes so I can mock freely.

They kick the husband out and I’m pretty sure he got back on the phone as soon as he left. He has a, Treo. I hold it against him. And pretty much after that it’s all blackness. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I’ll take a pee break here and continue my tale.

Noooo, wait, I do remember being wheeled in to the surgery room and them telling me I had to shimmy to the operating table. WTF. I do remember my last words. “Wow, that table is pretty thin, what if my big butt falls off?” Fade to black. I’m pretty sure I was strapped in.

I wake up and the husband is not on a call but watching tv. awww no phone call, That’s true love people. I don’t remember much of our conversation but I did ask if this was my permanent room. Let me tell you, I had some bad gas. What’s with that. Did I mention the two enema’s I had to do before surgery? Surgery isn’t pretty. I’m just breaking it down for you.

I noticed an itch in the nether regions. I was completely bald. It was a drive by shaving and I was not prepared for it. I’m glad I was unconcious for that business. That’s a sucky job. Now I have to maintain that. Thanks a lot for that.  I’m going to get lazy and it will get itchy. Oh well.

I was on the demerol and was pretty itchy. I had one of those buttons to push. I was pushing every hour on the hour and sometimes twice. Did you know that drugs constipate you? It’s true. Constipated and gassy.

So I made it and as soon as I get my sexy before and after pictures, I will post. Oh yes, I got the after too. I have no shame. Weeeeeeeeeeee, I’m alive and free a uterus, ovary, and, tube.

The only thing is now I have no excuse for the pms and chocolate cravings. What else can I blame eating a tube of cookie dough on?

Favorite Past thing 93/94

 

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PS, check out this site for some amazing free pictures. Don’t be a dork and forget to link them.  irishviews.com/moonlight-ireland3.jpg

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I completely forgot I was even doing this. I thought of all the thing from my past I loved so much. While listening to my Sansa, of course. I’m not ipod girl. I’ve have a few ipod tragedies so I switched to the Sansa mp3, 2 gig. I’m digressing here. I love this thing. It has radio, voice recording, video, music, and it cleans the dishes. All for less than an ipod. I use it with my yahoo music. I have the unlimited deal so I stock that sucker up with music for when I run or I hook it up to my stereo and listen to when I do my yoga.

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No Yanni or Enya when I do my yoga’s. Lame inside joke alert. I like some Marley, Zepplin, Floyd, rap, hip hop. Whatever, I just like funky music when I flow. Since I will not be doing anything for awhile I did some today. One of the songs was, Mazzy Star, Fade Into You. That song is so fetch. I saw mean girls and it’s stuck in my head.

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Anywhooooooooooo. It took me back to the days of listening to the Cranberries and dating this college guy who was kind of a wuss.There was some good music around at that time. Cowboy Junkie’s and the movie I remember most, The Crow. How hot was Brandon Lee, very. Coffee houses were still pretty trendy and unheard of. You could get a cup of latte as big as your head for less than you’d pay today. And you could hear various conversations on poetry, anarchy, alternative this, alternative that. Also, whoomp there it is and knockin da boots, was pretty big.

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I miss some of the fun stuff but glad to be over those fashions. There was a lot of lip lining and catsuits were a hit. Oy.Here’s a clip of , Fade Into You.  It’s from you tube and it’s a mix of some old footage from Fred Astaire and Rita Hayworth dancing. Beautiful and enjoy.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7e-CpDQdac

FAREWELL CRUEL WORLD!

I’m just being over dramatical. Tomorrow is the big day and my noggin is swirling with many emotions. Fear, anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, relief, etc. It’s what I call my, Coalition of Emotions.

The fun stuff. I have to do an enema tonight and one early morning. Yikes, so not looking forward to that. I have no idea how long till I’m able to log on but knowing me it won’t be too long.

I will have much time in my day to blog about nothing in particular. Maybe even a few, pain pill, induced writings. How fun will that be. Sooooooo, this is it people. Well, not really for anoter 16 hours. Soon enough, soon enough. I bid you a fond farewell and leave you this portrait of me trying to rock the side ponytail.

I hate when I take a yoga class and the pony tail stabs you in the head. I’m trying it on the side these days. My final words I got off a bathroom wall.

For a good time call, just kidding.

Do something once a day that scares you.  I totally got that fron a store I shop at way too much. But try it anyways. I’ll see you nutjobs on the flips side. Plus, I may make a ANTM post before I check in for the night.

PS, I remodeled my kitchen and it is not longer that horrid blue. I was in some weird country phase. I’ve been cured of that.

What’s wrong Tv?

burger-king.jpg

I’m going with this Burger King picture becuase I find it so disturbing.

Overall the new tv season is, meh. I’m not overly impressed with you, tv. There are a couple of shows that I like, Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money, Carpool. But overall I’m still more interested in my old favorites.

The Office, Earl, Heroes, Ugly Betty, ANTM, The Daily Show. I was worried about, Betty. Luckily the story has picked back up and I’m interested again.

On Heroes I’m happy to see my boyfriend Milo Vilmontoyamontalban, I can never spell his name, is still alive and hot. I like that Claire has a flying boyfriend. Who didn’t have that fantasy in high school, Maybe just me then. Plus I also love the twish with Hiro falling in love and conflicted. What to do? Give up love and keep history intact or, pursue his love and possibly screw with the world? What will he do?

And I am always happy to see Steven employed. I know he is no long on Dynasty but I don’t care, He’s always Steven Carrington to me. The other Steven doesn’t exist to me. He is the lesser Steven Carrington, Live with it faux Steven.

Tonight is my favorite of alllllllllll, ANTM, episodes. The much ballyhooed (shout out to my hag, BBB) makeover show. How awesome is that. The least like is going to get the, Mia Farrow. hahahaha. Cry models, cry. Your hair may look crappe (my french pronunciation of crappy) but don’t ever lose the fierce. That’s, FIERCE!, exclamation point intended.

What I’m really anxious for is the return of, Lost. It’s the make or break season for us. I was almost out last year but they sucked me back in near the end. I love the bittersweet ending of going back and forth in time like that. You think being rescued would be the greatest thing ever but in fact it might be the undoing of some of the castaways. Wait, is castaway just for the shipwrecked ala Gilligan or could it also apply to plane crashes?

Either way, I’m excited to see what happens. Don’t toy with my emotions writers of Lost. I swear I will flip the channel and never flip back. I’m not even joking. ER and Grey’s are totally dead to me. Is ER still on? Damn, put that show out of it’s misery all ready.

I have a feeling many of the new shows will not be around in the next 3 weeks. See you later, Caveman, we hardly knew ye. But bonus, Rock of Love 2 is in the works. I guess Bret and Heather aren’t going to make a go of it. Shame, that hair was built to last.

Crock of Love

Come on, that was the worst fake break up ever. Where was the drama ala, New York? It was just boring. Jess was all, You should be with Heather. And they just left you hanging.

He even tells Heater, before Jess comes up, he would like to continue their friendship as well as a sexual relationship. Well, he is a rock dude. They don’t have the best reputation when it comes to monogomy. Jess was just bored. It looked like she couldn’t wait to get out of there. She was only on for 4 minutes.

Lacey had more camera time than, Jess. Speaking of Lacey. She played us the most beautiful song ever, along with her band. It was a touching song titled, Shallow. Oh, and the dancing, The best interpretive dancing I’ve ever seen. I haven’t seen that kind of crawling on the floor since Madonna at the first ever, MTV Awards.

The sounds that came out of her mouth were similar to a cat in heat. So sexy and not at all like her usual manipulative, calculating, self. She must have slept with Rikki Rachman (however you spell it) to get on that stage.

Where has that guy been? I did notice they still have Headbanger’s Ball, on one of the MTV’s. There are like 5 of those now. How many of them play music? Gahhhhhhhh, someone play some music videos.

Overall it was snoooooring. There weren’t really any good confrontations. They really need to work on the drama. Please watch, Flava of Love, to see how it’s done right. I also recorded, The Smartest Model in America. I have yet to watch this sexy show. I need to make sure I watch it on an empty stomach or I may feel too fat to watch.

PS, how beautiful is Brets wig? Heather and Bret should be together. They can have hair braidng parties. Or maybe, hair teasing, parties. Either way, there is going to be a lot of hair products and lubes flying around.

Getting ready to teach

I have this whole mental thing I do where I try to visualize my class and hopefully when I get up in front of everyone, I make it happen. Sizzle, sparkle, pizazz. I’m not sure I bring the pizazz every week but I’m pretty sure I always sparkle. I try. With the kids being sick this week I’m overtired and not sleeping very much. I’m not sure I can bring any of the above things. I may just be bringing, snap, crackle, and, pop.

Of course the day I need extra help I am out of my, Rockstar. Diet, of course. Wait, if I get off my behind this very second, I could get some. People, you just witnessed a light bulb moment. That’s what Oprah calls them. I do not question the greatness that is, Oprah. I feel a little bit of sizzle happening. I just need my theme song for the week. Gimmie more! Let’s go, Britney, it’s time to shine.

Fine Frenzy

I found this artist a few weeks ago and she is amazing. Every song is absolutely amazing. I know awhile back everyone was talking about, Corinne Bailey Rae, who I love. But I really love this album more. Is it, album? I’m old, what are the kids calling it these days? MP3’s? Here is a link to her video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCeS-yorGtc&mode=related&search=

A pox upon your family

Sweet fancy moses, my kids have the chicken pox. WTF? I vacinated their germy little bodies. Apparently you can still get it but it’s not as severe. I remember back in the stone age when I had it all over my body and in some of my nether regions. Not pretty.

Actually only 3 out of 4, have it. To top it off, they will be home most of next week, My surgery is next week. Oh help me, Jesus. How restful 3 screaming kids will be. Help me out hydrocodone. I don’t know if that will be enough. I may need to call on his friend, oxycotin. Maybe just a nice swing to the head with a bat. Just make sure I’m unconcious.

They all look fine other than a few red splotches. That is good to note. However if any of them infect me, it’s farging war. I am not cancelling this surgery. I’ve mentally prepared myself for it and I am ready to go. Put me on the table and cut me open aleady.

And tell me how much you love my chicken picture. He’s completely naked and hilarious. What happened to his feathers? Was he robbed? I don’t know but I LOVE IT. You are one hot chicken. Yes, I know it’s a rooster but there were no pictures of any chickens this lovely. Papa don’t preach, I’m keeping my rooster.